


Although I say I'm fine (Don't know what to do without you)

by The_Fanfic_Train



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Barry is Taako's tutor, Barry's already got one in soul-bond studies but he's getting another in necromancy related stuff, Kind of..., Kravitz is a residence manager, Kravitz is just trying to do is job, M/M, Merle is Taako's guidance counsellor, Oh also, Taako & Lup are trying to get their doctorates, Taako has ADHD, Taako is physically disabled, he's a behaviour management don, it's a meetcute, meetugly maybe, mentions of recreational drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fanfic_Train/pseuds/The_Fanfic_Train
Summary: Twins don't get to have soulmates.Some soul-bond researchers believe that it’s because they’re born next to their life partner- others think that the presence of two souls during a threading ceremony makes it too confusing for the goddess of fate to properly align future partners. Taako's pretty sure it's discriminatory bullshit.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Taako, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	Although I say I'm fine (Don't know what to do without you)

**Author's Note:**

> TW: VERY BRIEF MENTIONS OF TEASING/ BULLYING
> 
> A disclaimer! I've never lived in a school residence before, but this is modeled after one of the buildings I toured with my sister- it was like a full apartment with four separate rooms and two bathrooms. Also, my sister was a BM Don, so I KIND OF understand what their job is? Not really, so suspend disbelief if you know anything about housing.

Soulmates were tricky business at the best of times. Could be the right person but the wrong time, could not find them at all, could have them be committed to someone else because they were tired of waiting for you, could have them die before you meet them, could live five hundred years and then find out that hey, your soulmate is a literal  _ infant _ and was born yesterday, and you can either a) give it twenty-five or so years (assuming that they’re a human) or b) give up the pursuit and instead tear another soul-bond apart to find a partner to keep you warm at night.

And then there was the matter of twins, who apparently never got to have soulmates at all. 

Some soul-bond researchers believe that it’s because they’re born next to their life partner- others think that the presence of two souls during a threading ceremony makes it too confusing for the goddess of fate to properly align future partners. Taako was pretty sure it was discriminatory bullshit, but he didn’t exactly have a doctorate in soul-bond studies (yet, anyways).

He already had his final thesis determined- why the ‘twins can’t have soulmates’ theory was bullshit, but all his precursory studies had shown very little pre-existing research. There was a set of identical twins in Spain who shared a platonic soulmate, a handful of fraternal twins who had married significant others, but a big fat nothing on sets of identical twins finding romantic soulmates.

And, don’t get him wrong, if Lup was his soulmate? Perfectly fine. She was his mirror half. She was born to be his playmate and he was born to be hers- a best friend and family all in one. But he had grown up his entire life seeing people with soulmates, and was it greedy to want that for himself?

Also, it’d be nice to throw that in the faces of all the kids at school that told them they’d never find love. It’d be nice to show everyone who ever used ‘twin’ as an insult that- surprise- not only are you ignorant, you’re also a dumbass!

Plus, to be entirely honest, Taako was tired of going on dates and feeling like he was ruining someone’s chance at happily ever after.

“Taako!” Lup hissed, smacking his hand. “Stop it, Mr. Garsuna keeps glaring at us.”

“I tap when I think,” he frowned at her, and then at his traitorous right hand- in the months leading up to his final, his anxiety had spiked. 

“Can you do something  _ less _ distracting? Half of the lecture hall is staring.” 

“Merle gets mad at me when I draw in class.”

“Great, meaning until you have your next session to think of an excuse,” she mumbled before turning back to taking notes. 

Fuck Mr. Garsuna. If Taako wanted to tap, he could tap. And all these clowns could stay mad- they had to tolerate it for two hours a week. Lup was the only one who was allowed to  _ actually _ be pissed off- she had been listening to his fingers drumming on tabletops since their first day of kindergarten. It was common practice to keep children near their soulmate (if they had one, of course) when they were young- soul bonds were finicky, and infants to preteens were far more sensitive to withdrawal symptoms if they were separated for long periods of time after growing accustomed to a permanent soul bond.

And because there was no way to prove Lup  _ wasn’t _ his soulmate, they had sat next to each other in every class, at every assembly, at every celebration and at every funeral. He grew sick of her more often than he’d care to admit, but it was a simple fix- they moved to a dormitory with apartment-style flats, established some more rules, and had a couple of new roommates to play referee when needed. 

It had just been the twins and Magnus for a while they searched for a fourth. Two weeks after moving Magnus had come home from a roommate interview with Julia on his arm and that had been that.

(The best part was that Julia ended up moving out of the fourth bedroom only a month later and began sharing with Magnus, meaning that the apartment had a spare room.)

Mr. Garsuna dismissed the lecture hall (thank god, if he rambled any more about Plato Taako was going to lose it- he’d already been scientifically proven wrong, why were they even talking about this-) and Lup turned to him with a grin.

“Do you want to go to a cafe? I’m craving ice coffee.” 

“I’m supposed to be meeting my tutor at the library,” Taako groaned, “Do you think it’d be okay if I just ditched? Ice coffee sounds good.”

“Nah, you should go to tutoring,” Lup replied, “you always wanted one as a kid, and now you’ve got one, and you want to blow it off?”

“Yes, Lulu, that’s what I just said,” He frowned, grabbing his crutches from under his chair. He’d been in a freak car accident just over six months ago that had shattered the left half of his pelvis and most of his leg and rib bones. He’d been in a wheelchair for a while and still needed crutches, seeing as his left leg couldn’t support any of his weight. Even worse, mobility issues aside, now Taako had crippling chronic pain to deal with. 

Pair that with ADHD, and Taako was rocking a bonafide hot mess ™ lifestyle.

The two went their separate ways- Lup, to grab coffee and go home, and Taako, to the library (which was thankfully just a five minute walk normally, so ten for him). Barry was flicking through a book when Taako collapsed into the chair at their table, right leg tired from hauling his ass over there.

Barry mumbled a greeting as Taako dropped his crutches under his chair, only looking up once he scribbled in his notes from the book’s page.

“How’s Merle doing?” Barry asked, in lieu of a proper intro to their session.

“Told me I should get an aloe vera plant to help with stress.”

“And?”

“Told him to stuff it.”

Barry nodded, as if it was exactly what he expected. Merle, Taako’s guidance counsellor, was notorious for strange self-improvement plans. At first, he had followed along with the old man’s bullshit- eat a clover (yeah, like that shit you find mixed with grass) in the morning and think happy thoughts for increased productivity, calm your mind with a happy place between tasks, yadda yadda. Don’t doodle in the corner of your notebooks- just listen and try and take as many notes as possible.

Great, thanks Merle. The ADHD is gone- who knew it was that simple!

(The only reason Taako still went was that Merle was fun to make fun of, and Magnus would be pissed if he stopped going.)

“Okay, so what are you confused about from this week?” Barry asked, glancing over at Taako’s notebooks.

“Just the usual- this week in Dav’s class he started talking about how soulmate bonds are tangible and how they can be used to power machinery, but just last week we talked about how they’re odourless, weightless, and invisible, which doesn’t make sense.” Taako huffed. 

Barry nodded a little. “I know it  _ seems _ contradictory, but it really isn’t. Just because they’re invisible to most senses doesn’t mean they’re not physical things- it’s just that  _ we _ aren’t evolved enough to sense them. Kind of like how plants can’t see or taste or talk- they haven’t evolved enough to do so.”

“First things first, hate what you’re insinuating right now,” Taako said, “second things second, if we can’t detect them with any form of technology, how are we so sure that they  _ are _ tangible?”

“Well, because it’s still something people feel even though it can’t be held,” Barry said. “There was a study a couple of years ago- um, let me see if I can pull it up on my laptop- on the physical effects of bonds. They have a tendency to react when the partner is in danger or needs help, right? So they put soul-bonded people into a room and gave one of them a difficult task to complete, and performed x-rays before and after on their partner. It was a relatively small effect, but there was movement in the guts that insinuate the ‘pull’- y’know, the force of the attraction? Actually pushes internal organs around.”

“Great, now explain it to me like I’m five.”

“Uh- bonds move organs and are therefore tangible?”

“Great. Not sure I  _ fully _ understand, but maybe I’ll spend my time between classes looking at weird gut science,” Taako shrugged. “There should be like a semi-tangible class. Like wind.”

“I’ll take it up with the head of the soul-bonds division,” Barry rolled his eyes. “Come on, Lucretia is supposed to be TA-ing, she can’t write your notes forever.”

“I don’t know, seems like she could. Can you run me through the science of the ‘threading’ again?”

Taako actually really liked Barry. Barry was a pretty cool dude. Already had his masters in soul-bond studies and was currently working towards a second in ‘what-happens-to-the-bonds-when-people-die’, meaning he made an optimal tutor. Soul-bond theory  _ was _ interesting, and Taako  _ did _ like learning about it, but the math and calculations behind it made his head spin. Was it not enough to just  _ say _ that the brain releases anywhere from 10-15% more serotonin when around the soulmate? Why did he have to prove it again? Everyone knew that.

Maybe if the university forced the students to spend less time on their studies, more of them would actually get to experience this “pull” that Taako had had described to him more times than he could count.

Taako  _ did _ like Barry. But  _ god _ was it good to leave tutoring, even if it meant he had to go to another class (it wasn’t as bad as his morning one, this one was about wine and cheese). As he hobbled along the uneven path, thoughts of threading ceremonies and pulls floated around him no matter how much he tried to think about something else. 

Twins, who were typically deemed each other’s soulmates, had mini-pulls of their own. He’d seen fraternal twins with soulmates describe it as ‘twin-sense’- still a bond, and still strong, but different from the soul-bond with their partner.

As Taako sat in the lecture hall, exhausted from hauling his ass back over just a mere hour later, he felt a slight tug in his stomach.

Lup must have burned her hand on the stove again. 

But the lecture began, and it had only been five minutes, and the tug was growing. It was saying  _ help, go, now! _

Did Lup set the apartment on fire? They had fire-extinguishers- it’d be out before he could make his way home anyways. 

He was willing to give it another five.

It only ended up being three before he was frantically packing up his stuff. The pull was like a second heart-beat in his stomach, pounding furiously.  _ Danger! Help! Go! Now!  _

Jesus, if Lup had set the dorm on fire he was going to have to kill her. Life insurance was the only way they’d ever pay off that kind of debt.

He cursed her the entire way home, grimacing as he took uneven paths to shortcut his way to the building. The pull wasn’t getting worse, but it certainly wasn’t getting better. As his stomach twisted and churned, he forced himself over the last hill over the apartment complex. Fingers clenched around the handle of the crutch, preparing himself to see the ashes of what was once his home, or perhaps the dead body of one Magnus Burnsides, he opened his eyes and blinked and-

Everything looked fine. The building was in touch, and the lights were on in the living room of their flat, meaning people were still home and still inside. The only odd thing was the behaviour management don standing outside talking to one of the students from another floor, but that wasn’t really any of his business. There was no crisis, despite the pull in his stomach.

Taako was not dragging his ass back to class though, so he supposed he’d just skip and enjoy a night at home with the family.

“... going to have to kick you out of housing if you keep acting like this, Maarvey,” The don was saying. “I’m serious. You’re going to have to pay to fix the wall and apologize to your neighbours for all the noise complaints.”

“Yeah, but I’m not,” Maarvey shook his head. “I ain’t paying for shit, and I didn’t graffiti my own apartment.”

“Am I supposed to believe that someone broke  _ into _ your apartment,  _ sprayed _ a mural on your wall, and you kept it there for  _ however _ long without reporting it to building management?” The handsome don replied, clearly getting frustrated. “And you  _ are _ going to pay to fix the wall, it’s in the contract you signed. Whether or not you ‘sue’ someone and get that money back is up to you, but there  _ will _ be a fee.”

If it was Magnus, Julia or Lup,  _ maybe _ Taako would have stopped and bailed them out from super-handsome-authority-man. But Maarvey had been arrested twice in the past six months and Taako did not want to encourage any sort of bad blood between them.

_ Protect! Help! Save! _ The tugging in his stomach only seemed to grow as Taako took a step away, rattling him to his core.

Merle was going to be so pissed, and Magnus was going to be so goddamn proud, Taako thought as he turned on his crutch and headed back towards Maarvey and the don. No time to sit and unpack what his brain was thinking, Taako needed to rush in. 

“Maarvey! My dude, I meant to drop by earlier- it’s my bad about the graffiti on the wall,” Taako lied. “You know what it’s like when you have one too many beers and all that, right?”

Maarvey glanced once between Taako and the don.  _ I’m giving you an out, take it _ . Taako pleaded.  _ This dumb idiot doesn’t even know what he’s getting himself into. _

“Hey, no issue,” Maarvey glanced over to the don. “Look, like I told you, it’s not me. Take it up with Taako, Kravitz.” 

“Is this true?” The don- Kravitz turned to Taako, letting Maarvey walk off. “Did you vandalize the room?”

“Yup, it was all me. Crutch and all.” Taako nodded.  _ God, please don’t go after him.  _

Kravitz gave him a once over. “Well, in which case, come with me.” He gestured for Taako to follow him into the building, hitting the elevator button as they stepped further into the building.

“Uh, so I guess now is a good time to say that I didn’t do the vandalism,” Taako said as the elevator shot up to the tenth floor, which was just storage and residence management living spaces.

“You didn’t?” Kravitz raised an eyebrow. “I thought it sounded fake, but- I hope he hasn’t run off, I do  _ really _ need to get this paperwork done-”

“No!” Taako slapped Kravitz’s hand away before it could press the button for the ground floor. “Fine, I did it- just don’t go after him.”

“Taako, right?” Kravitz frowned. “Look, did you do it or not? I need to know.”   
  
“If I tell you I did, will you stay here and leave Maarvey alone?” Taako was  _ practically begging _ as they stepped out of the elevator, which was humiliating on  _ so  _ many levels-

“Oh, I think I see,” Kravitz huffed, “alright, then. Bad trip? Weed? Come on, out with it. I do really need to get things sorted with Maarvey.”

Oh, thank god. An out. 

Taako nodded feverishly. “Yup, handsome, sorry. I’m having an allergic reaction to my pain meds. You know how it is. You’re trained in counselling, aren’t you? Why don’t you and I go to your place and you can sit with me until I come down.”

Kravitz hissed a curse under his breath. “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital? I  _ do _ really need to go talk to Maarvey and- you live on the eighth floor, don’t you? We can get one of your roommates to accompany you.”

“No, it’s not even that bad. Just a little uncomfortable. But, uh- I can’t go back into the elevator. Made me queasy. Just- uh, can we go to the counselling room?” Taako pushed, making the don sigh.

“Alright, then. I’ll handle it later. Come with me,” Kravitz said, leading him down the hall and opening the door to a small room. It had a couch, two chairs and a coffee table, along with a desk and a dresser against the wall. “Go ahead and lie down on the couch, yeah? I’ll grab you some water.” 

And, as tall dark and handsome left, Taako was finally left to sit and contemplate what the  _ fuck _ was going on. It had  _ felt _ like the twin-pull he had sometimes, but still inexplicably different- distant and yet stronger all at once. And it had calmed down considerably once he and Kravitz had stepped into the elevator, the strong twisting now a gentle weight.

“Here,” Kravitz placed a glass on his coffee table, watching Taako fiddle with his crutches. “I’ve got some paperwork to do, so you can just hang out and rest here on the couch until you feel good enough to either head home or go to see a doctor.”

“Thanks,” He muttered in response, glancing around the room. It was boring, admittedly, but as far as Kravitz was aware he was trying not to die. On the bright side, it did give Taako some time to think, allowing him to come to two conclusions.

First and foremost, very-attractive-don-Kravitz-with-a-death-wish was his soulmate. Had to be- he’d never felt any sort of pull like that before, and it wasn’t Lup. If something had gone wrong, she would have called him by now- or he’d already be bailing her out of jail. Certainly wouldn’t be here on some strangely handsome man’s couch, wondering what to do next.

The second conclusion was that Kravitz hadn’t felt the pull. Taako had heard stories- soulmates who had felt the pull as they locked eyes across a crowded mall and ran to embrace each other, or a woman waking up at three in the morning and rushing to the hospital to find out her soulmate, who’d she never met, had been in a car accident.

Kravitz huffed softly at something on his paper, grabbing a sticky note and jotting something down on it before flipping the page.

Sweet, blissfully ignorant boy. Maybe once Taako got his shit figured out, he’d be able to laugh about the lack of acknowledgement. Taako was an  _ identical twin _ , meaning that he’d grown up his  _ entire life _ with the expectation of dying alone because he’d never find anyone, and now, sitting on some shitty couch that was clearly bought by the school, he was watching his  _ fucking soulmate _ work on a monotonous stack of paperwork.

_ I’m right here! _ Taako wanted to jump up and- not kiss him, that’d be kind of a lot and a little uncomfortable, no matter how handsome he was- demand attention? Demand validation? Finally get an inch of closure on this wack ass hour he was having? Have Kravitz show even a slight amount of recognition of ‘oh hey, maybe this  _ is _ kind of weird’?

At some point, Kravitz turned on the radio on and slid the knob until it was nearly inaudible, humming along to the tunes that carried the room’s almost unbearable weight.

_ Kravitz, please _ , Taako begged internally.  _ Tell me I didn’t imagine- well, everything _ .

Had his desperation manifested? His gay ass saw an attractive sexually-ambiguous man and decided to attach his soul-bond with Lup to an extra? Lup could have just cut her hand while cooking- maybe her panic had transferred to him, and that was why it got worse instead of better.

Kravitz stretched at his desk, and turned to Taako. “You can stay here if you want- I’m going to go talk to Maarvey’s roommates and see if he’s back yet.”

And all the doubt was gone once more, as the pull in his stomach returned full force.

Kravitz hand his hand on the doorknob by the time Taako found his voice, almost shouting “Wait!” as he watched the don head to leave. 

And then something strange happened. Kravitz, his hand still on the door, stumbled in surprise, oddly stiff from head to toe. His head whipped around in surprise, mouth agape, staring at Taako as if he had just screamed a profanity instead of a word of caution.

Kravitz blinked twice in surprise, staring back at Taako (whose heart was still beating furiously against his rib cage) with unrestrained confusion and curiosity.

And then, after a moment, a flicker of understanding across Kravitz’s features as he relaxed.

“Oh,” Was all he offered, letting his hand drop from the door handle. “Alright, then.”

Ease washed over Taako once more. “Thank you.” He muttered. “You know that Maarvey’s in a gang, right? Has probably killed people? Has been arrested at  _ least _ ten times?”

“Who do you think called the cops all those times?” Kravitz asked with a small smile, grabbing his paperwork off his desk and flopping onto the couch next to Taako. “Hey, if your leg is bugging you you should rest. I’ll help you down to your dorm once you feel up to it.”

“Thanks. You want to hear about my research thesis for my doctorate? I think my research just got a lot easier.”

“I’m all ears.”  
  


* * *

  
“I’m not a doctor, Taako, but I definitely don’t think you’re supposed to run with crutches,” Kravitz said as he escorted him down to his dorm that night.

“Yeah, well, I was worried something was wrong,” Taako said, lightly whapping Kravitz’s ankle with the butt of his crutch.

“I had it  _ handled _ .” Kravitz said petulantly. “Behaviour management is  _ in  _ my job description.”

“Maybe they should add ‘staying alive’ into your job description,” Taako rolled his eyes, unlocking the door. “You coming in?”

“Oh, um,” he seemed a little nervous, “are you sure?”

“I mean, how bad can it be, right?” Taako shrugged. “How much weirder can this day- Barry? What are you doing in my apartment?”

“Oh, hey Taako! Welcome home!” Magnus called from the beanbag chair he was squished onto with Julia. “You know Barry?”

“Uh, yeah, he’s my  _ tutor _ -” Taako replied, hobbling into the apartment. “What the absolute  _ shit _ are you doing here?”

“Uh,” Barry flushed, “Well, that’s kind of an interesting story, bud-"

“Taako! You’re home!” Lup called as she left the bathroom, grinning widely. “Look at who  _ I  _ finally met today- Mr. Barold Hallwinter, dilf of the necromancy department-” she continued despite Barry’s obvious discomfort, “- who I just so happen to be  _ soul-bonded with _ , isn’t that  _ wild _ -”

“Oh yeah?” Taako put a hand on his hip, “Well I found  _ my  _ soulmate today too, and it’s  _ not _ a big deal- also, what the  _ fuck _ , you’re going to be dating my  _ fucking tutor? _ ”

“Wait, Taako, you met your soulmate today? Congrats!” Julia beamed. “What’re they like?”

“He’s just outside-” Taako jerked a thumb over his shoulder as the room collectively turned to look at the doorway, where Kravitz was still standing.

“You know what, I’m actually going to go. We’ll do this _ some other time bye _ -” and then Kravitz took a step backwards into the hallway, frantically shutting it behind him.

“What’s his deal?” Magnus asked.

“You’re just going to let him go?” Lup gestured to the (now shut) front door.

“You’re just going to  _ fuck my tutor? _ ”

“Yes, and?” She replied, crossing her arms over Barry’s sputtering.

“Hey, Taako?” Julia interrupted the twin’s bickering again.

“Yeah?” He glanced over his shoulder.

“Wasn’t that Kravitz, the residence don?” She continued. Next to her, Magnus grew a shit-eating grin.

“Yeah?” He tilted his head. “Why?”

“Oh, nothing,” Magnus said as they climbed off of each other. “It’s just that, if we go to a residence staff member and claim that we’re having housing issues- say, for instance, two roommates fighting, they’re obligated to help us.”

“Oh,” Lup’s eyes sparked with interest. “That’s a good point, Maggie.”

“Lup, don’t,” Taako warned. “Seriously.”

“You know what, Taako, I think Jules and Mags are onto something. I  _ don’t _ think we can solve this without help. Let’s go see if Kravitz can help us solve this conflict, huh?” She grinned, grabbing Barry’s hand and pulling him off the couch. “Come on.”

“No, no no no-” He tried to grab her sleeve but she was already out into the entryway, Magnus and Julia close behind.

“We’ll see you up there!” Magnus called, hurrying after Lup.

“Really sorry about this, Taako,” Julia said gently. “But, well, you know how it is. We’ll save all the really uncomfortable questions for once you get up there.” She promised, and then the door swung shut once more, leaving Taako alone in his apartment.

“Mother fucker,” He hissed, crutching his way into the dorm hallway. “At least hold the elevator for me! Ableist fucks!”

There was a set of laughs and the tell tale chime of an elevator door closing.

Well, Kravitz  _ had _ been the one to insist he was good at behaviour management. He should be okay with managing the four of them until he got there.  And if he wasn’t, well- he was going to have to learn eventually. Soulmates  _ were _ forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I ended up taking a longer break than I intended (it's been like two weeks) but here's a fun not-so-little one shot! I'm going to be moving in a month & I've finally gone back to work, so I'm not entirely sure when whatever I'll be posting next is going up, but thanks to everyone who's been leaving me comments recently! 
> 
> I'm pretty active on tumblr, so you can always come pop by to see me on my bullshit in real time [@choo-choo-boyzz](https://choo-choo-boyzz.tumblr.com/)
> 
> (also as someone with ADHD and a physical disability let me TELL YOU life is fucking wild... my body wants to lie down and die and my brain wants to get up and go)
> 
> Stay happy and stay safe!! <3


End file.
